The Dead Squirrel Museum
Sam Sanfillippo Funeral Home, Madison WI
1st April 2003
Okay, despite the date, this wasn't an April Fool joke gone awry. Some months before, I had read in some magazine about the best party schools to go to in America. Up there with the best of them was UW Madison, and one of the 'strange facts' listed was that there was a dead squirrel museum in one of the funeral homes near the city.
Not quite believing this, I nagged Janice to take me to this supposed museum as I wanted to see it with my own eyes. We'd lost the slip of paper with the address some months previously, so we turned to the phone book for inspiration.
"I think it was on University Avenue, wasn't it?" went Janice.
"Yeah, that sounds kind of familiar, let's give it a try..." I replied.
"You're not sure? In that case, you be the one asking the questions - I don't want to be the one to find out we're in the wrong funeral home!"
I thought for a second. "Fair enough!"
So we jumped in Janice's car and headed off towards the city. Sure enough, we found the right address and pulled into the empty parking lot behind a funeral home somewhere firmly lodged in the early seventies both in brickwork and taste.
Entering the home with due respect, a formally dressed man emerged form a staircase below to greet us with a sombre smile.
"I know this is a bizzare question, but we'd heard that there's a museum full of stuffed animals somewhere around in Madison and we were wondering if this was...?" I stammered.
"Yes, this is the place. The museum is downstairs, please follow me!" was the knowing reply. Janice and I glanced at each other and we went down the stairs and turned a corner into a dark room. "We usually have a few visitors a week, it's a steady stream of people, really!" he said conversationally. Reaching into a circuit breaker panel, he flicked over a few levers and three connected rooms all lit up. The low mechanical sound of small motors started making noise from some of the lit cases. "He lives across the road, and the place is due to be moved up state to another larger museum when he dies," we were told.
Hundreds of huge stuffed fish lined two of the rooms, along with an occasional moose head. But what grabbed our attention were the stuffed squirrel dioramas, with enough attention to detail to rival the American Natural History Museum in New York.
The first large diorama had a fairground theme to it. A small flying chair ride had four suprised looking squirrels going round and around in an eternal carnival ride atmosphere. Looking closer in the background, we could see a 'Topless Girlie Show' stage, complete with hula skirted (presumably) female squirrels.
Across the room a bar scene was rendered in loving attention to detail, right down to the minature stuffed fish on the back wall of the bar, and a Wild West scene featured the surreal antics of cowboy squirrels...
There was also a large number of albino squirrels with creepy pink eyes, almost certainly unaware that they would then be playing basketball and driving cars in the squirrel after-life.
And of course, it wouldn't be complete without a four chair working carousel! AVI movie of the squirrel carousel (930k)
Of course, if you had children who were not interested in the museum (and I can't believe for a second that any child would be bored here) you could leave them at the kiddie's table, next to the room where some caskets had been placed for temporary storage.
Finally, some state pride was shown in the displays. Bucky Badger is the mascot for the University, and what better for a taxidermist than to have a REAL badger set up in school clothes? Badgers are not the most friendly of animals at the best of times, but show this one to your team and they'd be terrified into their best performance of all time. Unruly children? "You'd better behave or BUCKY will get you!"
A truly singular experience which I'd recommend to everyone except young children and those of a nervous disposition...
Matt
There's a mention of this place in the Roadside America, and if you're interested... Location: Cress-Fitch-Lawrence-Sanfillippo Funeral Home, 6021 University Ave. Call before you visit: 608-238-8406